Instagram Photographer? You are not as great as you think you are.
I’ve been practicing photography for over 3 years now. To be completely honest, when I first started photography, I thought I was really good. I took some reasonably good night photos, edited them, posted them on Instagram, and got lots of likes and new followers.
“Man, I am good.”— or that’s what I used to think.
Truth is, I did not know how to properly expose my shots. With my Sony A7iii, I could recover so much detail in post-production I always shoot underexposed at the lowest aperture. My ‘night photography’ skill isn’t photography, it was actually photo editing skills.
So there I was, not knowing how to correctly expose my photos while thinking I was an amazing photographer because so many people on Instagram were heaping me with praise and compliments that made my head go big.
One day, a hotel asked me to do a shoot. I mean, I really thought I have the skills so I gave it a go. All the photos were shot in the day and I used the same settings for night photography to shoot them. Predictably, most of the pictures turned out mediocre at best.
No matter how many photos I took and how much time I spent editing them. Somehow, the photos just “didn’t look right”...A realization crept up upon me, “maybe, just maybe…I am not that good…after all…”.
Unable to accept my flaws, I brushed off the thought
Instead of using this realization as an opportunity to be better, I fell back into my comfort zone of creating night photos for Instagram.
It wasn’t clear to me back then but it is clear now. My reason to create was mainly to gain affirmation from my followers and peers that I was an amazing photographer.
Perhaps it is something I crave as a child because I was the shy kid whom nobody paid attention to.
In 2020, the pandemic hit, and my job went online. With the extra time in my hands, I started shooting and posting almost every week on Instagram — all for the affirmation from followers and peers that I have never gotten before in my life.
The quest for affirmation led me to create more content. Unfortunately, the hours I spent on the platform also skyrocketed, averaging at 5 hours per day commenting, liking and, sharing. This does not include the time spent researching, shooting, editing for Instagram stories and posts.
If I were to calculate how much time I spent on Instagram in total:
5 x 365 = 1825 hours = 76 days on Instagram or 2.5 months per year since 2019
(that is excluding the time taken to create the content!)
What would you do if you had an extra 2.5 months each year? Would you spend it all on Instagram?
How much better would you get at a skill if you spend 2.5 months' worth of time on it instead of on Instagram like me?
In early 2021, I got over my big-headedness that I am an “influencer” and started learning how to properly expose my shots and my technical photography skills improved significantly.
However, I was impatient, I wanted to quit my job to become a freelance photographer in a year. So I started marketing myself as a professional photographer and videographer.
It was a painful slough.
I manage to get a few paid photography and video gigs now and then but barely enough to pay the bills. Then came the rejections. One after another, corporate clients rejected me either because they “didn’t have the budget”. I expected rejections but having so many rejections was a humbling experience — it forced me to take a hard look at myself.
A hard look at myself
“Am I not good enough?” “Do I really want to be a professional photographer?” question after question filled my head as I grapple with my uncertain career path. But I hustled on unsuccessfully for about a year which, made me realize that…
even if you are good but you are not the best, people are not going to pay you more than the other guy who can do the exact same job as you.
At this point, I am fairly confident of my photography skills but I have to admit that I am nowhere as good as the masters. There is really no substitute for intention, effort, practice, and most importantly — time.
Around December 2021, I knew I had to take a break from Instagram. Seeing my peers producing visual candy that generates lots of views and engagement made me feel I’m missing out if I don’t post.
So I took 2 weeks off during the winter vacations to read voraciously, journal and, seek answers from people who inspire me.
I also went analog — I read, reflected, and wrote my thoughts down on paper. Somehow, being away from social media stimulated more insightful thoughts.
Below are some realizations:
- Creativity is a journey, it is about finding the creative voice that is uniquely ours. It is a search for authenticity. And the beauty of it is when we share our journey with others, we will inspire others to love themselves, embrace their flaws, and celebrate their unique creative voices.
- Anything else other than the search for my creative voice and authenticity is noise. We all only have 24 hours each, I will not waste it on creating or consuming frivolous content on social media. I’ll only create for the joy of creating.
- I actually don’t want to be a professional photographer — I wanted to be a visual storyteller. Ever since I was little, I read deep into the night, from the ancient classics of the Arabian Nights to the modern classics of Enid Blyton and Roald Dahl. I have always loved stories. Stories brought solace to children and adults alike. They gave life meaning and hope in times of darkness. Deep down, what I truly wanted to do is to tell stories and inspire people through photography and films — to shed a light on someone’s darkness.
I am still far away from where I want to be but at least I know I am on the right path for now. I will end this essay with the words of Sean Tucker who so eloquently summarize my feelings and thoughts about my current path as a budding visual storyteller.
“…we learn to separate out our need for affirmation from the joy we derive from making…we learn to love ourselves first, to deal with our pain well, and then make for the joy of making and perhaps to bring a little Order to someone else’s Chaos.” — Sean Tucker (Meaning in the Making p.160)
CJ
Thursday, 13 Jan 2022